I just need to remind myself that everything will be ok.
Ever since this summer it’s been a hodgepodge of awesome events and not so awesome events. Of course I’m going to be focusing and immersing myself into the happy, ecstatic feelings but it’s always the unfortunate events that actually do stay and somehow hinder you every single day.
It’s funny how that works, how happiness and shit just being great and dandy or even normal has to be a glimmering hope type of ordeal. Sadness and shit to be frank is a day to day thing we just got to live with.
The other big unfortunate event that I’ve been having to deal with every single day and probably for the rest of my life isn’t really what I’m ready to share on even on this site where I pour most of what I can’t put anywhere else somewhat public…haha. But today I got into an accident, an accident involving 3 other parties and I’m not going to go much further about it because who knows, the world is crazy nowadays with the internet especially so the 3 other people involved can probably research this shit and use it against me or whatever if I continue talking about the accident. Maybe I’m just paranoid but I’m going to justify it by being smart and not being able to trust people too easily…all right?
Haha, it’s pretty obvious I’m a bit incoherent or a jumbled mess but basically I’m just not in a good spot in my life right now. Yet at the same time I feel like I really am past all the shitty events that always need to occur since Day 1 of the birth of Jennifer H. Shin.
I pride myself in being notoriously unlucky, I mean Murphy’s Law ain’t got shit on me it should honestly be re-named to J $HINNIDAY LAW but whatevs…I don’t have the power to change such an age old expression/law/superstition. But yeah what I meant to be getting at is that I’m just so accustomed to being ridiculously unlucky that I found the best coping mechanism to deal with all the ridiculous shit in my life is to just keep announcing to the world (my friends) that I’m SOOO unlucky. I just want to apologize in advance and for in the past of always saying it, I know it gets annoying but just know that if you ever happen to run into this that it’s because deep down I really do hate the bad things that happen to me but realize humor and facing it really is so much better than being all upset and ape shit over it.
So what I’m trying to get at is that yes I’m sad, yes I’m worried, yes I’m anxious, yes I’m stressed, yes I want to crawl into bed with my kitty Hops forever and never come out, yes I want to give up.
But I can’t because I can’t help but to laugh and cry in joy that God really is putting his lovely hand over me. I’m a person that loves coincidences or better yet God’s “signs” and before I was going to write a post I pulled up a new tab in my browser to find the playlist Nicky sent to me via stumbleupon and I had to click on the stumbleupon icon in order to open the toolbar…yet lo and behold for the first time ever it stumbled me instantaneously to a randomass page and I could not have been more thankful for this page. Here is what not I stumble to but life/God made me stumble to:
I’m just so loved to have run into this out of nowhere.
It really isn’t that relevant to my situation when you think about it but it really does hit home in that I can’t help but to feel like God is telling me all the tribulations I’m facing throughout my life really aren’t the big, important factors that determines what life is going to continue being like for me. I don’t need to be wasting my time nor worrying about these things.
Yeah, it’s inevitable that I’m going to and I’m not going to delude myself into thinking I can always be a worry-free, gung ho positive about life sort of person day in and day out but I feel safe in knowing God has got this. Knowing that yes I’m going to have to be the one dealing with all the consequences in my life and having to deal with the hardships first hand, but that’s just the way it is.
We’re never going to know why good or bad people in this world have to go through more sad events in life as opposed to happier ones, but what we do know is that there never is an end. There never really is an end to all these shitty moments in life that really breaks a person apart, and quite frankly it seems like a lot of what we do to cope is to push it to the back of our mind, never talk about it, and only let it haunt our own minds because that’s where it seems to belong the best. And I guess a lot of people turn insane from letting such horrid thoughts and insecurities overflow their mind, but honestly I can only hope one day that people will realize that there really is no point.
Don’t overburden yourself with situations that either ended or never are going to seem to end. And if a situation does have an answer then it’s just a given for you as a responsible individual to perform that situation. If you’re miserable because you’re dwelling and being too chicken shit to deal with things then you deserve being as miserable as you are. I’m sorry to sound so harsh but that’s the harsh reality because I have so much faith in people that they truly are so much better than what they cut themselves out to be.
Everyone I know ranging from very close relationships to one time encounters, I just know that they are good at least one thing and good to one thing. That’s more than enough for me to consider them an amazing person and give them the benefit of the doubt that they have the potential to overcome whatever it is burdening their life. Granted, we can’t do things alone. Reaching out for help is one of the best solutions anyone can do in this world, and how to do it I just don’t have the answer for. It’s something I really need to work on and implement as a sort of natural instinct.
So yeah, I have a lot of things to work on and I have so much to look forward to. I just wanted to tell myself to trust God, relax, calm down, stay strong, keep moving forward, don’t stay stagnant, pray everyday, and remember that God is going to make everything ok in your life Jenn Shin. Don’t worry, let go of things and let Him take care of you. You’ll see things fall into place the way they’re supposed to be, you’re not going to like it and are going to feel so broken by it but remember that it’s never going to be the end of the world due to unfortunate mishaps.
Money, grades, people, whatever it is these are simply tangible aspects in life that will never determine how happy or well you’re doing in life. Happiness is simply being and feeling happy, not by the result of external sources creating a chemical response in your brain that is then sent out to the rest of your body. That’s simply called a high.
Remember that, you’ll be fine kiddo. God loves you. As cheesy and bumper stickerish that sounds, I know you’re going to look back on this and smile and know God is going to love you so much more than anyone ever can in this world. You got this, don’t let me down.