incoherent, plz move on.

Things only sound good when they’re about something sad, and even if something sounds good because it is about something “good” it most likely is some inspirational story about becoming a new person or getting over tribulations from the past and now coming out as a strong, new person.

Either way it truly is about something sad isn’t it? If it wasn’t for that sad, sad event in their life they wouldn’t have been able to come out with such a heart wrenching inspirational story to get you out of your own rut.
Either way we’re always surrounded by sadness, sadness both loud and silent that becomes an inescapable attachment to our existence. The word existence is a rather scary, dramatic word but whatever gets the job done.

Now I know so far everything I’m saying sounds rather cynical, bitter, or depressing and that I might have just recently gone through some very heart breaking events or things of that sort but truth be told, I haven’t.
I haven’t just gone through something “bad” that I’m turning to wordpress and spilling out my bitter, left over emotions because I can’t seem to be dealing with them outside of writing about them. I’m not.

Rather, I’ve been observing or not observing per se but I guess noticing that great songs, movies, books, stories, short films, videos, speeches, etc. always has to revolve or include some sort of tragedy. Big or small it doesn’t matter, what matters is the fact it has to be about a sort of happening that the particular individual has to face with grief, anger, pain, guilt, all the ugly emotions in this world in order for their story to be great.
It’s the sad things in this life that really tends to connect us as human beings, it’s the sad things in life that bonds us to a friend because by sharing something sad about us is when we strangely are able to entrust them on a whole new level. A level we wouldn’t have given them if we know they have always been just surrounded by happiness all this time, that the person we are facing at that moment is an epitome of happiness.
For some odd reason we can’t share everything we’re hiding about ourselves to that person because they don’t know what hurt is, they haven’t “faced life” for what it’s worth and are what we now deduce as being naive and that hopefully they will never have to face the reality of life.

It’s not something we want to admit, admitting that sadness is what truly brings out what is genuine about someone. We’re always heroically displaying happiness, triumph, warmth as things we must be striving for in life. That these are some of the qualities that should be encouraged and instilled from the beginning of one’s life, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting happiness from the beginning because quite simply put it should be that way. Happiness is this unspoken quality we all want, it’s what a lot of people out there end up dying for either in vain or not and proves to be something worth living for.
It’s just funny how we as humans want happiness in the end. If you look at the ending of all these korean dramas, movies, songs, books, whatever the majority of these scripted stories ends with the hero walking away with a bit of happiness.
The happiness they worked so hard for throughout their life, all the heartbreaks, the loss of beloved ones, all the rejections from applying to schools and job interviews, getting fired from what was thought as a stable job, living on the brink of poverty, never finding your birth parents, whatever it is the hero had to endure throughout the remainder of their lifetime is now all worth it because in the end they walk away with happiness seeping through their hands, dripping onto the sidewalk as they walk away with their lover linked to their other arm as they go off somewhere we will never know of, but what we do know is that now the hero can finally get what they deserved.

And here we are, the audience of such a feat that we’re left with this sort of epiphany of our own lives and with a new instilled hope that we too can become like that hero. That the hero isn’t so foreign after all as we begin seeing the similarities of their former life within our current one, and we feel the sudden overcoming of motivation and triumph that we will come out as victoriously as our hero.

We want to be winners, we’re all living with something troubling or sad shadowing us and a lot of us don’t reveal that to others because it’s “not a big deal”. Why is it not a big deal? Is it because we compare our sadness with others, and as our sadness ranks up or down the ladder of all sadness that that is how we determine how worthy our sadness is of sharing?
Or maybe it’s because when we do decide to share, that nobody listens or that they do listen but does not hear what has been troubling us all our life because they’re too caught up with their own sadness, their own strife.
Yet they encourage us with superficial euphemisms that they most likely tell all their other friends that comes crying to them because they do not want to be viewed as a “bad friend”.
And we thank them and apologize incessantly for burdening them with our problems, and although we say thanks and apologize in the back of our heads we’re formulating the cold, hard conclusion that they could really care less. They have their own life, and it’s only natural for one to feel like that.
Thus, we back off and realize nobody cares and that the sadness we once thought as worthy of sharing is now only important to us and that it really is rather petty.
So we keep it inside, bottle it up, until the facade holding in all that sadness finally shatters; and although it shatters, we manage to pick up the pieces again, putting it all back together in a hurry with no real care, thus shattering again and again to no avail.

Maybe some of you out there truly are happy, and for that I sincerely am grateful you feel that way. Please do try to stay that way.
And to the rest of you that really aren’t but trying really hard to be, it’s only normal.
I look at all this and wonder why we have all these answers and means of getting over everything difficult in our life or within the moment, but we never make the effort to not try but actually get over it. Is it cause we’re lazy, is it cause we’re scared, is it cause we’re too stupid to realize that our biggest problem is ourselves, or is it because we actually don’t know how to deal with things.
Either way, I’ve just been noticing. I would love to give some sort of motivational speech about moving on, so and so forth but truth be told it only lingers for so long till we find ourselves stuck again like always.
I’m pretty sure this is why I believe in a God, to understand and find hope in matters that are otherwise pointless in this life. I’m perfectly and more than ok in believing the fact there is a being greater than I am, that knows things I don’t and is just there.
Some might call that as having a low internal locus of control (hence the negative connotation) or others might call it having no backbone and entrusting someone else with your own life.
Call it whatever you want, because if you have the answers as to why it is what we do then enlighten me.
Until then I’m going to believe in my God because I want to be happy.


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