Easy like an easybake?

Before I write this because I don’t know who in the world reads the crap on this blog, I’ll most definitely set this out on the table.
Yes, I have a boyfriend and yes I have been with him for 2 years and counting, and yes although I will never know how much he cares about me I know with my heart that I care about him so much as a person, partner, and ultimately as a friend.
Now that that’s clear I know living in this world means a lot of shit can happen.
Although relationships especially long lasting ones are glorified and pictured to be a complete dedication to each other, I can honestly say that’s such a storybook picture.

The human heart is ridiculously fickle, and I’m sure something as minute as thinking that other people besides your significant other as attractive all the way to actually cheating on them has occurred throughout relationships. No matter how big or small the “crime” is, the heart is still playing its natural role of being fickle and I really do applaud the couples out there in this world that has only laid their eyes and heart on no one but each other.
But of ‘course whenever I write about shit like this, I’m looking through the perspective of the general population unless otherwise noted…right?

That’s not the point though, I’m just agitated how I let myself time to time have certain guys throughout the duration of my relationship to get any closer to me.
And it’s honestly only two guys that really pushed the limits, but it’s not their fault because I’m the one that tells myself:

  1. He talks sweet nothings
  2. He’s a guy, a dog, obtains a penis.
  3. Deliberately knows he’s doing what he does
  4. Stops talking to you as soon as he finds out he’s not going to end up with you.

Ah the irony that I write that while eating penis gummies (Thanks, Nicky they taste great :D)
But seriously, that’s not what good friends do. If you really were a good friend of mine and are a guy, you wouldn’t tell me things I want to hear to get me in bed with you, you don’t know what you’re doing because you’re not doing anything wrong,  and you sure as hell wouldn’t stop talking to me once you realize I’m not going to leave someone for you because all we are are FRIENDS.
So even with all that realization in my head of what differentiates a great guy friend from a guy friend that’s doing nothing good for me, I still try so hard to be their friend.
Why? Why the fuck do I do that? I’m just asking for another round of trouble and worries of what to do, but I guess it’s because aside from the testosterone and hormones they’re still a friend a good one at that.

I guess when it comes down to it it really is just my huge pride barking, because I know I’m not anything special to the guy friends that treat me like that. Sure they’ll tell me that, but they talk to so many other girls just like the way they talk to me, except I don’t want to let them win because quite frankly they deserve to lose.
And I guess it’s also because I don’t understand why you’d even want to try again at me, don’t waste your time when there’s so many other girls out there that are greater, prettier, nicer, funnier, whatever “-ier”. So because of that I can’t help but to think do they just come back because I appear to be easy?
Am I easy? I like to think I’m not because I not only put a guard up but the fucking Berlin Wall around me if you’re just going to be sleazy.
But who knows right? As much as I convince myself and others on the surface that I’m this person that can carry myself and not need any help, I really am only human.
And well shit, humans kind of suck.


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Filed under ramble, ramble

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